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Archive for October, 2008
LightHearted Musings - I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends
Posted by Dr. Molly Roberts on October 31st, 2008
I get by with a little help from my friends.
–The Beatles
I woke up this morning with a dream still in my head. I was outside of the house I lived in when I was a teenager, and the police were there to evict me from the house. I looked down the street and saw that just about every other house had a sign in front of it, some saying “For Auction” and others saying “For Sale”. Clearly, the whole neighborhood was going under. I started talking with the police officer, waxing nostalgic about what a great neighborhood it had been, where we had a neighborhood watch and everyone looked out for each other, where no child or elderly person felt alone.
I told him, though, that the fear of loss had pulled the neighborhood apart, and everyone started looking out for themselves. Once we had all done that, the houses fell to the auction block one by one until the whole neighborhood was swallowed up. There I was in my dream, watching my own home being taken away from me, and mourning the loss of the neighborhood more than my house.
When I woke up, it was this Beatle’s lyric that kept ringing over and over in my head, “I get by with a little help from my friends.” What a great line, and one we so clearly need to pay attention to in these perilous times. If we don’t come together as a community of friends, we’re going to go down as a gaggle of individuals. This is true on just about every level of our existence right now, as families, as workmates, as communities, as a nation and as a planet.
One of the many reasons I dearly want Barack Obama to win this election is that I think he gets this Beatles line. When I hear him talk about his opponent, he starts the conversation with how much he respects the man, how he is a war hero who has given great service to his country. Then he calmly discusses how their views are different. Senator Obama talks about how the problems of our country and our world won’t be solved by one party or one country dominating the others, that we all need to come together in community to hash out our differences and find some middle ground.
Senator McCain has spent his time creating divisions, spreading rumor and innuendo to create questions about his opponent’s character. He has fostered an us vs. them mentality that will have ripples long after the election is old news. Though I am a lifelong Democrat, I have liked Senator McCain in the past and have even voted for him on numerous occasions, so I’ve been sorely disappointed to see that he is not the man needed for these times.
Our collective neighborhood needs a lot of shoring up, and we now have a choice. We can be the hero, the villain or the victim in our own life story, and to have the happy ending we want, we have got to both help each other and ask for help from others. We need to show loving kindness, no matter what political party we come from, no matter what our income bracket is, no matter what our skin color is, no matter what language we speak or what country we come from, what religion we espouse or what gender we choose to love, and yes, no matter who becomes our next President. We need to be the men and women whom future generations will marvel at, because we stepped up to the plate of our times and came through it together, as a community of loving souls.
I want my dream to stay right there, in my head where my fears can have a safe outlet. What I want for my reality is so much more. All of you who read this are my community, and with these words, I hope you are feeling the hug of love and fellowship that I am sending you. If you do, then please, pass the love on.
Dr. Molly
Drs. Bruce and Molly Recommend - The Nine: Inside the Secret World of the Supreme Court
Posted by Dr. Molly Roberts on October 28th, 2008
The Supreme Court is such a mystery. It is comprised of nine people who hold our lives and our government in their hands, and yet we know so little about who they are as people. This book, The Nine: Inside the Secret World of the Supreme Court, gave me a new appreciation for the fact that the Supreme Court justices are simply human beings, using their individual life perspectives to make the world their own version of a better place. What a difference a life perspective makes, though, as these justices bring both their intelligence and their frailties to their job.
Each President has a significant influence on the future direction of this third branch of the government whenever they choose one of the Nine. Choosing the next President, therefore, is our only way to yield any kind of control over the decisions of the Supreme Court. Please…choose well!
LightHearted Musings - It’s the Journey Not the Destination
Posted by Dr. Molly Roberts on October 26th, 2008
Too often I would hear men boast of the miles covered that day, rarely of what they had seen.
–Louis L’Amour
I seem to hike differently from other people. Most people I know hike for exercise, going as fast as they can up the mountain and pushing themselves to see how fast they can get to the top. They are usually up there for just a couple of minutes before they are on their way back down. As much as I have tried, I can’t seem to do it that way.
I must admit that when I hike, it feels rude to pass by the plants and not say hello. I realize how strange that might sound to some of you, but what the heck, Louis L’Amour understands me!
I walk slowly and stop to appreciate how the sky looks through the tree branches, how the ants find their way in perfect synchronization with each other, how the flower buds are just starting to open up, how each plant uniquely feels to the touch. I’m exercising too, but instead of working on my muscles, I’m exercising my connection to Mother Earth, my ability to tap into the energies of all that is around us. I’m exercising my deep love for the world, my amazement at the miracles that surround us, my appreciation for the gift of being able to dream my dreams and climb my mountains for yet another day. I’m exercising my love of life. I may not be the first one to the top of that mountain, but oh, what I have seen along the way!
Dr. Molly
Drs. Bruce and Molly Recommend - That’s Not in My American History Book: A Compilation of Little Known Events and Forgotten Heroes
Posted by Dr. Molly Roberts on October 21st, 2008
Here’s a fun read! That’s Not in My American History Book: A Compilation of Little Known Events and Forgotten Heroes by Thomas Ayres is filled with all sorts of tidbits about the inaccuracies in the history books, and the “true facts” behind many of the stories we supposedly know so well. The author does a great job of keeping it interesting and fun, just the way history ought to be taught in the schools. Makes me miss my phenomenal high school Social Studies teacher, Mr. Lowenguth!
LightHearted Musings - Sincere Forgiveness Isn’t Colored with Expectations That the Other Person Apologize or Change
Posted by Dr. Bruce Roberts on October 19th, 2008
Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time - just like it does for you and me.
–Sara Paddison
I learned some very important lessons about forgiveness from my father. My father was a brilliant man. He was an automotive engineer during the day and spent his evenings and nights working on various inventions. Like many men of his generation, his job was to be the breadwinner. It was the woman’s job to take care of the family and deal with all those touchy/feely emotional things. With his preoccupation with work and his inventions he, sadly, missed out on many of the joys of family life and fatherhood.
My dad carried a lot of anger from his childhood, growing up with a bitter and critical mother. His resentments increased as a Jewish soldier in Germany in the aftermath of the Holocaust, and piled up further as he had one patent after another stolen from him by powerful corporations (see the movie “Flash of Genius”), leaving him with severe financial stress, marital stress, and a sense of failure. His interpersonal skills left something to be desired and he was prone to episodes of rage that distanced him further from those who loved him.
My father was overweight, smoked a pipe, and didn’t exercise. He took 20-minute catnaps through the night while working on his inventions and cracked open 5 raw eggs for breakfast before heading off for his day job. He was a walking time bomb, but it was still a shock when, at the young age of 42, he suffered his first heart attack. Fortunately he survived the heart attack and the subsequent triple bypass surgery. This was a relatively new procedure and I marveled at the medical system that could replace a man’s arteries in his heart. The doctors did an excellent job at addressing his physical risk factors, getting him to stop smoking, improve his diet, start exercising and lose some weight, but the emotional and spiritual aspects of his heart attack were never addressed.
He eventually returned to work and redoubled his efforts to make up for lost time. Ten years later, not surprisingly, he suffered a second heart attack. This time, during his heart catheterization, he coded on the table - his heart stopped beating. I’ve always imagined the conversation my dad might have had with God during this near death experience: “You know Sy, you can check out now if you’d like, but there are still some important lessons to learn. If you want to stay, it may not be easy, but you will have another opportunity to learn those lessons you came here to learn.”
Stand clear! ZZAPPP! The doctors brought him back to life! He survived another heart attack and bypass operation only to begin a 15-year downhill course with Alzheimer’s disease! Now why, I asked myself, would someone choose to come back only to suffer such a horrible, debilitating disease such as Alzheimer’s? What was he thinking?!?
Well, first my father lost the ability to organize his thoughts and was unable to work. This was tough on him, for sure, but it prevented him from spending all of his time working and brought him back home. Next he began to lose his memory in retrograde fashion with his most recent memory going first. He would perseverate for several months about someone who had harmed him in some way, or some anger or resentment, and then suddenly that memory would be gone. Then he’d perseverate about his next resentment, and then the next, until he went all the way back to his childhood. I even got to hear (over and over again!) how his mother had humiliated him by making him play violin in front of company when he had only been playing for six months, while his cousin, who had been playing trumpet for 5 years, had just wowed the crowd!
My father eventually reached the point where he could no longer plan for the future or remember the past. All he had was the present moment. At that point in his life, he had nine grandchildren from newborn to age nine. He still had many challenges, to be sure, but the younger grandchildren didn’t know that he was ill. There were precious moments where my father experienced true peace and contentment, holding the babies in his arms, and being fully present in love. It took two heart attacks and Alzheimer’s disease, but perhaps he had finally learned the lesson he had come here to learn!
So, what did I learn from my father’s life? I learned that anger and resentment are poisons that destroy our health and damage our relationships. I learned that it’s best not to wait for an apology that may never come. I learned that we must find forgiveness in our hearts, not for the sake of the other person, but for our own sake. I learned that our physical and emotional symptoms are messages showing us where our lives are out of balance and that the universe is conspiring in our favor to teach us the lessons we have come here to learn. “Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.”
The biggest lesson that I learned from my father, however, is that all we really ever have is the present moment. Nothing else is real. Most of us spend precious little time in the present moment. We are either worrying about the future or perseverating about the past. It is only in the present that we are fully alive to experience true joy and passion. It is only in the present that our hearts are fully open to giving and receiving love. Let us vow not to waste another moment holding onto old grudges and petty resentments. Let us make a sacred commitment to appreciate each and every precious moment of our lives and be fully present in love!
Dr. Bruce
Drs. Bruce and Molly Recommend - Jane Eyre
Posted by Dr. Molly Roberts on October 14th, 2008
Have you ever read a classic once when you were a child and then again as an adult? I recently did just this with Jane Eyre. I remember loving this book as a child, but oh, what a distinct pleasure to read it again! The poetry of Charlotte Brontë’s language is as heavenly as petting a purring cat on your lap.
This whole thing got started because our daughter, Rebecca, was assigned this book for school. Dr. Bruce hadn’t read it before and I remembered loving it, so we decided to read it together. We listened to the book on tape version during a couple of long drives, and Bruce fell in love with her skill in painting pictures with words just as I found a new appreciation for it. We found ourselves not wanting to get out of the car when we got to our destination, just so that we could hear a bit more of Jane’s Eyre’s thoughts! If you haven’t read this in a while, give it another try - there is a reason this is considered a classic!
LightHearted Musings - Forgiveness is an Attribute of the Strong
Posted by Dr. Molly Roberts on October 13th, 2008
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
–Mahatma Gandhi
I love everything Mahatma Gandhi has ever said! Just reading his words creates an internal shift for me, where I feel myself getting calmer, more loving and more peaceful, as if I am standing in his presence somehow. What a powerful force for love and peace, and yes, strength too, to have that kind of an effect 60 years after his death. His comments on forgiveness bring to mind some of the difficulty in describing what we really mean by forgiveness.
I was recently at a conference on death and dying, giving a talk on how to help couples and families deal with cancer and other life crisis. I was fortunate enough to sit in on a number of other sessions, and in one, we talked in depth about the concept of forgiveness. The discussion was animated as we tried to figure out exactly what we meant by forgiving someone. We realized that forgiveness is a complicated term and that it was important to be clear on what we all wanted to convey.
When you forgive someone, there is the potential to create a power differential between yourself and the person you are forgiving. An example was of one woman who told her abusive mother that she forgave her for being such a terrible parent and then felt good when her mother was hurt by this statement. Forgiveness of this kind may give you power over them and put them in a weakened position, but is it really forgiveness if it is still playing power politics? If the goal is to let go of the psychic energy around an event, that “power to forgive” still seems like a trap capable of keeping you sucked in.
In addition, forgiving someone might be construed as an acceptance of unacceptable behavior. Nobody in the room felt this was the intention. You may be able to forgive a sexual predator from your past, but you would not condone or tolerate them doing this to someone else. When boundaries have been crossed, forgiving someone shouldn’t mean that further boundary violations are OK.
It seemed that forgiveness had more to do with finding internal and external peace with the person and the hurtful memory than simply letting the person off the hook. We decided that the true goal of forgiving someone was to free up the energy you have been using to be angry about the past in order to make it available to help you bring love, peace and joy into your present.
In Gandhi’s quote above, he wasn’t advocating simply bucking up and forgetting about the bad times. Instead, he was discussing the strength needed to tap into the deeper nature of letting it go. For Gandhi, forgiveness comes from finding the strength to embrace both your humanity and your sacredness and then to discover those dichotomies in those who have hurt you. Understanding, accepting, and even embracing these two aspects of our nature is one of the most difficult and important tasks of our earthly existence and well worth the effort and strength needed to live it.
Dr. Molly
Drs. Bruce and Molly Recommend - Click: What Millions of People Are Doing Online and Why it Matters
Posted by Dr. Molly Roberts on October 6th, 2008
I just finished reading an interesting book about how our internet usage can be used to predict how we really feel about various issues of our day. The book is called Click: What Millions of People Are Doing Online and Why it Matters. The author, Bill Tancer, has access to a vast internet search engine database, where he can predict trends and see if what we say is what we do when nobody is watching. A big Big Brother-ish, but fascinating nonetheless!
LightHearted Musings - The Eye in Your Heart
Posted by Dr. Bruce Roberts on October 6th, 2008
You got to look at things with the eye in your heart, not with the eye in your head.
- Lame Deer, Medicine Man of the Oglala people
It was probably what attracted me to her the most - her ability to see with the eye in her heart. Molly has a unique gift of seeing right to the depths of your soul, and she saw right into mine. She saw past my flaws and insecurities. She saw who I really was - who I was meant to be. If she had seen me only through the eye in her head, I’m sure she would have left skid marks!
I envied her gift of being able to see with the eye in her heart. I coveted her ability to connect with spirit and trust her intuition. Whenever I was unsure I would turn to Molly and ask, “What does spirit have to say about this?” At first she would respond graciously. Gradually she became more reluctant, and eventually she began to pull away. Slowly, and unwittingly, I was sucking her dry!
You see, I didn’t trust my own intuition. I didn’t trust the eye in my heart. So much of my life and my training as a physician was geared toward developing the eye in my head that I forgot that there was another way to see. I was a Cyclops who didn’t realize that my second eye lie dormant deep in the echo chambers of my heart.
I was attracted to Molly, in part, because I thought she possessed something I didn’t have. It took me several years, and perhaps the most stressful year of our marriage, to realize that Molly was simply a mirror reflecting those shadow aspects of myself that remained hidden and undeveloped. I needed to stop looking to Molly for the answers and to nurture and develop those parts within myself in order to become whole. It was only through my own inner work that I was able to become an equal partner and co-creator in the most incredible relationship I could ever imagine.
Often our greatest gifts lie hidden in our shadows. The truth is, we cannot be attracted to something in someone else unless we possess the seed of that characteristic within ourselves. The eye in my heart was there the whole time. I simply had to learn how to open it.
It is time for all of us to open our eyes and see the world as it really is. Yes, we live in a material world. And yes, from a certain perspective, we are all separate beings. But this is a myopic view of the world and, quite frankly, has gotten us into quite a pickle!
We are so much more than we can see with the eye in our head. When we learn to open the eye in our heart, we begin to see all the beauty and grandeur that surrounds us. We begin to appreciate the incredibly intricate web of spirit that connects us to each other, to the plants, to the animals, and to Gaia, our Mother Earth. With both of our eyes wide open we can begin to heal ourselves, our relationships, and our planet.
It is never too late to open our eyes to who we really are!
Dr. Bruce
Dr. Molly’s Twitter Updates for 2008-10-02
Posted by Dr. Molly Roberts on October 2nd, 2008
- Did you ever have one of those days where nothing external has changed but suddenly everything feels right with the world? I just feel good! #
